About a month ago, I was experiencing some discomfort in my chest and had trouble breathing. I drove myself to the Emergency Room at a local hospital. After carefully examining me and learning all about my medical history, the doctors decided to keep me overnight. That really surprised me; I’ve always been in good health. My doctor informed me that they wanted to be careful, considering the fact that my brother died of a heart attack at an early age. As I lay in that hospital, concerned about my health and uncertain about my future, millions of thoughts flooded my mind. It’s amazing the clarity of wisdom that comes when you’re uncertain about tomorrow.
I thought about my family and whether or not I should call. I decided not to. I wanted to wait to for the outcome of the tests before sharing news that could alarm any of my family members.
I thought about the one person whom I had been good friends with for about 20 years, we were like brothers. I thought about how he chose to push me away—when I needed him the most—and I could not understand why. I was definitely missing something. However, in his own justification he firmly stated, “I cannot allow your issues to become my partners issues.” His words echoed in my head. Wow, our 20-year friendship was less about friendship and more about how helping me could have negative affects on him and his partner. At that moment, the machine monitoring my blood pressure began to make a strange, alarming noise. The nurse came in and informed me that the machine will alarm to indicate when a patient’s blood pressure is a little high. She then gave me medicine to lower my pressure. I realized then, that as much as it hurt, I had to let go of the stress and pain that I was feeling from this 20-year friendship; I could not allow it to continue to affect my health. Although I was still his friend, he had chosen not to be mine.
This decision was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make, I put off making this decision because of the thought of losing such a good friend. At times, just thinking about making such a decision would place me on the edge of despair. I would hurt to the point of numbness. I was wounded by painful circumstances of a loved one’s distressing actions.
The next day, the doctors put me through quite a few tests, all which came back negative. My doctor attributed my chest pain and trouble breathing to either stress or a panic attack. Whatever the case, I was happy.
After leaving the hospital, I made time to talk to my friend. The result of our conversation confirmed what I was so sure of when I was laying in the hospital bed. I had made a 20-year investment in a friend who easily turned his back on me when I needed him the most. I could forgive him, but I no longer wanted him to be a part of my life.
Sometimes friendships and relationships end. However, we have to lean on God at all times and grow from the situation. This is how the faith muscle becomes strong.
I thought about my family and whether or not I should call. I decided not to. I wanted to wait to for the outcome of the tests before sharing news that could alarm any of my family members.
I thought about the one person whom I had been good friends with for about 20 years, we were like brothers. I thought about how he chose to push me away—when I needed him the most—and I could not understand why. I was definitely missing something. However, in his own justification he firmly stated, “I cannot allow your issues to become my partners issues.” His words echoed in my head. Wow, our 20-year friendship was less about friendship and more about how helping me could have negative affects on him and his partner. At that moment, the machine monitoring my blood pressure began to make a strange, alarming noise. The nurse came in and informed me that the machine will alarm to indicate when a patient’s blood pressure is a little high. She then gave me medicine to lower my pressure. I realized then, that as much as it hurt, I had to let go of the stress and pain that I was feeling from this 20-year friendship; I could not allow it to continue to affect my health. Although I was still his friend, he had chosen not to be mine.
This decision was one of the hardest I’ve ever had to make, I put off making this decision because of the thought of losing such a good friend. At times, just thinking about making such a decision would place me on the edge of despair. I would hurt to the point of numbness. I was wounded by painful circumstances of a loved one’s distressing actions.
The next day, the doctors put me through quite a few tests, all which came back negative. My doctor attributed my chest pain and trouble breathing to either stress or a panic attack. Whatever the case, I was happy.
After leaving the hospital, I made time to talk to my friend. The result of our conversation confirmed what I was so sure of when I was laying in the hospital bed. I had made a 20-year investment in a friend who easily turned his back on me when I needed him the most. I could forgive him, but I no longer wanted him to be a part of my life.
Sometimes friendships and relationships end. However, we have to lean on God at all times and grow from the situation. This is how the faith muscle becomes strong.
4 comments:
OMG is this true! Yes - you are preaching. Even friendships - as precious as they are have their limits and cycles. It's the wise person that understands when a cycle has ende.d
I first have to say I love your blog.
It is sad that you have concluded to the end a 20-year friend; however, I can understand how it can happen. Strangely, I have been in a similar situation, I had a friend who asked me for help. However, because I was in a new relationship, I felt my friend would be a burden. So I reluctantly said no. By the look in his eyes, I could tell that he was hurt by my decision. A few weeks later, we talked and by the end of the conversation, I knew that he no longer wanted to be friends. Interestingly his timing was perfect for me; because I needed some distance from him. That fact that he no longer wanted to be friends did not bother me much, because I was more focused on my relationship and I felt he did not matter as much. When my new partner would ask if we resolved our issues I would just tell him my side of the story, purposely leaving him with the impression that my 20-year old friend was very angry and difficult.
Now after sometimes of us no longer being friends, I regret saying no to my friend, I regret not offering him some kind of help. In hindsight, I remember my friend always helped me when I needed it. He could have easily thrown that in my face. But he didn’t. When he asked me for help, I may not have been able to offer the help he needed but I should have offered something. At least my offering would have said to my friend that when things are getting rough, you matter to me.
I finally shared this with my partner, so I leave you with his words. Whatever the situation, whoever made the mistake, allow it to be ok. Chalk it up to you making a bad decision. Sometimes we all make bad or misguided decisions. Sometimes we don’t have all the facts. But nothing is worth loosing a 20-year friendship. Call your friend, and do whatever it takes to salvage your friendship.
Salvage your friendship; this mistake will only help it to become stronger.
One question: Did you pray about it?
Thanks for asking the question. I don’t have a simple answer for this one.
Did I pray about it? Yes. However, it was not simple. I prayed for a decision. I thought long and hard about it. At times, I took myself out the equation so that my decision would be more of an intelligent decision and less of an emotional one.
Even after all that, I had to ask myself, “Is my heart open to hear God’s answer to my prayer.” I have to be honest, “I’m not so sure.”
If I said to someone, “God told me to end this friendship.” I’m sure God may have looked down on me shaking his head. “I didn’t tell you to do that.”
I honestly did not want to make a decision. However, it was comforting to know that despite the decision I was to make, God would allow me to lean on Him and help me deal with the consequences of that decision.
I don’t call many people friend, and the few I do, I cherish. It was a difficult decision.
Post a Comment