Choice

Coming up with a weekly posting that will inspire or strengthen Same-Gender-Loving individuals can be difficult. There are times when I sit at my computer mentally constipated, struggling to get out the message within; however, nothing happens. Other times like running water through an uncapped faucet, the message seems to just flow and I am happy to go with it. I allow the message to flow from my mind to fingertips onto the keys of my laptop. At times, I try to examine this struggle, wondering why sometimes I am stumped and other times I am not. Some would call it “writers block.” I refuse to name it, claim it, or acknowledge it. My fear is if I acknowledge it, it may manifest itself into something real.

I remember once my younger sister shared her dream where she was asking Christ why things were not going so well with her, why was she experiencing so many roadblocks. In her dream, Christ took her up into the atmosphere where she could see the whole earth. He told her that she could accomplish anything in this world; however, there is only one thing that is stopping her. She stares as she looked down at the earth. All she saw was clear blue water. Christ told her to look deeper to see the very thing that was hindering her. A few seconds later, her reflection appeared, staring back at her. “There,” he said, “the very thing that is causing you to fail.”

I am the source of my hindrances, and maybe you are the source of yours. Just as the world has isolated Same-Gender-Loving persons in an esoteric group of our own, there are times when I feel isolated in trying to communicate to this group.

It may be true that we are a select group; however, our SGL status is not a factor when it comes to accepting God’s love, conveying His message or sharing something that only He knows will inspire or offer comfort. We, African Americans Same-Gender-Loving people are God’s people too. When I was out of a job, searching and praying for a new one, it had nothing to do with the fact that I’m a homosexual. When I didn’t have enough money to cover the bills, caught a cold, had a flat tire, lost a loved one or even experienced a broken heart—these things had nothing to do with my sexuality. However within each of these things are questions, messages and choices. Will I allow these to hinder my growth? If I’m out of a job, will I stop seeking employment because I am SGL? If I have a cold, will I not seek medicine because I am a homosexual? If my tire is flat, will I fix it regardless of my sexual orientation? If I loose a loved one, as a child of God will I choose to go on?

Most of my postings offer inspiration, while simultaneously offering a message and a choice. It is hard to get through to a group of human being with special needs who have been told they are not worthy of God’s love. However, something deep within me tells me to keep trying.

Whether I’m standing in my own way or plagued with the voices from my childhood that tell me “God hates all homosexuals,” I must remember the message God conveys to me daily, “You are important to Me.” The most wonderful thing about this message is that you don’t have to be a homosexual, heterosexual, black, white, male or female to embrace it. You just have to be willing. God has given you the choice and His love is strong enough that He has given you the freedom to make it.